The Melancholy of Caitlin Cooke
by mikata88
Summary: 6teen becomes Haruhi Suzumiya. Caitlin is the weird new girl at school who drags hapless Wyatt into her madness. OOC abounds! Rated T for planned Jen sexual harrassment.
1. Chapter 1

The Melancholy of Caitlin Cooke

Chapter One

If you were to ask me when I stopped believing in things like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, I guess you could say that I never really believed in them to begin with. I knew the Santa that showed up in my kindergarten class was really just one of the teachers in a rented costume. I've always known that this world of ours is boring and ordinary, and I accepted it. But deep down, I really didn't want to. Santa Claus and the heroes in the comic books…I knew they weren't real, but I didn't want them not to be. But soon I fell into step with the ordinary daily routine of the world, and I looked forward to many more ordinary days in the future. That is, until I met her.

It was the first day of high school. The building itself lay at the top of a steep hill, and I could easily see myself making the slight uphill climb every day for the rest of the school year. Everyone was getting up and introducing themselves in homeroom, but nobody really caught my eye…except for one.

"I'm Caitlin Cooke from East Middle School, and I have no interest in ordinary humans. However, if any of you are aliens, time-travelers or psychics, please come see me. That is all."

And with that extraordinary pronouncement, the girl sat back down and said nothing more. When I managed to get a good look at her, I found that she was actually kind of cute with her long blonde hair and incredible skin. Hard to believe that someone so pretty could turn out to be such a massive nutjob. But, even then, we were only scratching the surface of Caitlin's weirdness. For example, before gym class, everyone was expected to go to their respective locker rooms and change into their gym clothes there. But Caitlin didn't even wait until she got there. As soon as the bell rang for gym class to start, she just started changing her clothes right there in the classroom. When the time came for extra-cirricular activities to sign up, Caitlin went through every single one for about a week before giving up and quitting. Why even try out in the first place, then?

Some time later, my friends began to notice the abnormal amount of attention I was paying to our erstwhile classmate. A guy named Jonesy Garcia looked at me from behind a carton of guava juice.

"So, Wyatt, I've noticed that you've been paying quite a bit of attention to our school's resident weirdo."

"Who?"

"Caitlin Cooke, dude. And, trust me, you don't want to get involved."

I raised an eyebrow, quizzically.

"Oh really? Why not?"

My other friend, Wayne, bit the end off of one of his French fries savagely.

"Because she's freakin' crazy, man. You ever heard of the East Middle School Football Field Incident?"

I told him I hadn't.

"Well, apparently, Caitlin somehow managed to get her hands on some of the paint they use on the football field and she just went nuts with it. The whole field looked like one of those weird Nazca drawings. But the weirdest thing was that she just turned herself in the very next day. No apology, no reason, no nothing. And don't get me started on her love life!"

Jonesy took up the narrative, which I listened to with what most would call "rapt attention".

"You see, ever since junior high, Caitlin's just had boyfriend after boyfriend, and she always wound up dumping them. She never says no, but then she's always the one to break it off. I heard the longest time she was with some dude was two weeks, and the shortest relationship she had lasted only five minutes."

Here he became defensive.

"B-but not that I would know!"

Even I could tell that he was the guy in question. Luckily for Jonesy, Wayne found a nearby distraction.

"Now, if you wanna find a great piece in the freshman year, then just look over there."

And there she was: a beautiful bronze goddess in an aquamarine track suit. Serena Hawkins from the next class over. Everyone knew she was a shoo-in for Freshman Class president, and it wasn't just for her looks. Wayne licked his lips and sighed contentedly.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about. A-ranked Serena."

"A-ranked?"

"Oh, I took all the girls in our year and graded them on looks and personality, going from A-rank to F-rank."

"And where does Caitlin fall?"

"Again with the Caitlin? She's at least an A, A- rank. Granted, she's cute and everything, but you're not exactly thinkin' that when she opens that big yap of hers. Just leave her alone, dude."

And yet, in spite of all their warnings, the very next day, I did something so far from that that it would change my life forever.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I wasn't sure what exactly it was that made me approach Caitlin that day. You see, another eccentricity that was unique to Caitlin was that she wore her hair differently every single day. On Mondays, she wore a single ponytail. Tuesdays were strictly for twin drills, Wednesdays gave her head a sort of pitchfork shape, and so on until a simple unadorned cut on Fridays. I guess even she had her limits. But I digress.

"So…it looks like today is Thursday then, isn't it?"

And, with that one sentence, my whole world was changed forever. She turned towards me, the permanent scowl facing me with the immovability of a tombstone.

"So you finally noticed?"

"Yeah…it's kinda hard not to."

I attempted to crack a joke, but that only dug me in deeper.

"So do you do that to keep the aliens away or something?"

"No, it's not so much that. It's just that every day seems to have a certain color and a certain number associated with it. Monday is green, Tuesday is pink, Wednesday's gotta be blue…"

And, just like that, I was actually engaging Caitlin Cooke in a conversation like a normal human being. So we began talking to each other off and on during the day. Things went smoothly until I voiced a doubt that had been eating at me like a duck through the world's biggest slice of rye bread.

"Say?"

"Yeah, what?"

"All that you said on the first day? You know, all that alien and time traveler junk? Did you really mean that?"

"Why, are you an alien or something?"

Caitlin likes to answer a question with another question, in case you haven't guessed.

"No, of course not. But why do you want those things to exist so badly anyway?"

"Because, that way, life's more fun. This everyday world is just too normal. It's boring."

"So…by having things in it that are abnormal, then the world would suddenly become interesting?"

Her face brightened, and I could really see what Wayne was talking about. She really was pretty up until she opened her big yap.

"Yes, that's it exactly! But, so far, nothing's happened."

"So why not make something happen? I mean, throughout history the people who wanted to change things the most were always the ones to come up with all the inventions. People decided to build weather satellites because they were tired of not knowing whether or not it was going to rain tomorrow, and people built airplanes and ships and things because they needed faster ways of going from place to place. Do you see what I'm saying?"

For the rest of the day, Caitlin said nothing. By then it was too late. The seeds had been planted and the damage was done. It wasn't until the next day at lunch time when I saw Caitlin again. With a strength quite unexpected from a Size 0, she grabbed me bodily by my belt loop and all but dragged me down the hallway.

"Wyatt! You're coming with me!"

I felt like I was being mugged for my lunch money. We stopped abruptly halfway down a corridor, whenupon Caitlin slammed me hard, back first, into the wall.

"I thought about what you said last night, and I've decided to do it!"

"Do what?!"

"Start an after-school club, silly! And you're gonna help me!"

Something told me I didn't have a choice.

"Meet me at the end of the science hallway after school today. And you'd better not be late, or else-"

She drew a slim manicured finger across her neck and made a squishy slicing sound. That combined with the crazy look in her eyes introduced that morning's espresso latte to my tightie-whities.

"-it's the death penalty."

She scurried away and I slumped down where she left me. I'd better go and see what she's on about, I thought to myself. After all, I don't wanna die.

To Be Continued…

PS: Next time, the characters playing Mikuru and Nagato show up. Any guesses who they are?


	3. Chapter 3

And now, something to be really thankful for!

Chapter Three

I met up with Caitlin outside the Literary Club's offices, over down in the old building where almost no one goes. Opening the door, I was surprised to find Caitlin already there, along with another odd girl that I'd never seen before. She sat in a small folding chair along the far wall. Little half-moon glasses partially obscured her eyes, but her many body piercings were all out there for the world to see. Her hands moved slowly and silently, the only sound to be heard the slow flipping of the pages in her magazine. Caitlin then proceeded to ruin the moment by deciding to say something.

"You're late, Wyatt. I guess I'm lucky you were able to find this place. Anyway, I was thinking that this place is as good as any to use as a starter classroom."

As usual, Caitlin didn't really seem to be thinking things through.

"Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, Caitlin, but doesn't this classroom already belong to the Literary Club?"

"Oh," she waved her hand dismissively, and I was strangely reminded of your stereotypical late 1950's movie star who disdained the little people. "The Literary Club doesn't mind. I've already told her about it, and she says she's just fine as long as she has a place to read."

"Here, let me try talking to her."

Even after I had moved to where the other girl was sitting, she still showed no sign of emotion. I hesitantly breached the subject.

"Uh, hey there, Miss…"

"Nikki Wong."

Flip. Flip. Flip.

"Uh, Miss…Wong. My friend and I are apparently going to need this room, and we may be here for quite some time."

"Fine by me."

"Uh, yeah, but us being here could even possibly lead to you and the rest of the Literary Club having to move out."

"I don't mind."

Caitlin pulled me aside and whispered to me.

"I've barely even been able to get a half-dozen words out of her in the 15 minutes I've been waiting here for you. I guess some people are just weird that way."

Like you're one to talk. But, of course, I didn't say that. Caitlin stood back up.

"Well, I'm going to go get a few things. You two have fun until I get back."

And, with that, she was gone. The atmosphere was almost crushing us without her around.

"So. Is it…interesting?"

"Hm? Oh. Yeah. Unique."

"Oh…kayyyy. So, uh, what part of it is unique?"

"All of it."

Another blunt conversation. With her magazine finished, Nikki raised the hand that held it and presented it to me.

"Here. I'll let you borrow it."

"Uh, thanks…I guess…"

Caitlin then chose that moment to return with a blank piece of red fabric and a Sharpie. How is it that she always knows just when to show up to ruin the mood?

"Attention, everyone! I, the great Caitlin Cooke, have just decided upon a name for our organization!"

She popped the cap off the Sharpie and scribbled away like mad, apparently flying on the wings of her inspiration. And the name of our little group was, is, and (possibly) ever will be…

"The S.O.C Brigade! That stands for **S**aving the world by **O**verloading it with fun with **C**aitlin Brigade."

She had written it on her armband and was now wearing it, sporting a smile that said "Oh, look at me! Aren't I just so pleased with myself?" A better name would have been "**S**aving the world by **O**verloading it with fun with **C**aitlin Organization, but, since no organization was actually involved in its creation, I guessed that Brigade would have to do.

"Everyone make sure to report back here tomorrow. Brigade dismissed."

I just stood there, dumbstruck by Caitlin's bizarre announcement. Nikki, however, shut her magazine and the proceeded out the doorway at a slow mechanical pace. Was she actually intending to play along with it?

"So, anyway, I'm figuring we'll need at least 2 more people."

"What, are you already counting that girl Nikki as one of our members?"

Needless to say, she ignored my comment and just went right on talking.

"Oh, and one thing we'll definitely need is a mysterious transfer student. But don't worry: I've got some leads on a few people of note around the school."

So, essentially, you don't care what anyone else says or thinks, do you, Caitlin?

"I'll see you at Brigade Headquarters, Wyatt!"

And, with that, Caitlin sped off without even copying the homework assignment. Jonesy and Wayne had seen and known about the whole thing the whole time, and so they ribbed me about it whenever they had the chance.

"Looks like you and Caitlin are up to something."

"Let's go. You don't wanna keep the great Brigade Leader waiting, dude."

"Oh, will you two shut up?! I'm not a part of it! What the heck is an S. O. C Brigade supposed to even DO, anyway?"

"But it's nice to see Caitlin getting so involved with one of her classmates."

Serena, the A-ranked goddess of the freshman year, had somehow integrated herself into our conversation. Yes, Lord, I can die happy now.

"With luck, maybe she'll continue opening up. Keep up the good work, Wyatt."

It wasn't until she was halfway down the hall with the door shut that we spoke again, so frozen were we by her beauty. Jonesy slapped me on the back heartily.

"Dude! She knows your name! Way to go, man!"

When I arrived at the club room, I found Nikki alone again, just reading her magazine, and Caitlin nowhere to be found. Something told me that the scene wouldn't be changing from that for quite some time. But, still, I figured I could ask.

"Hey Nikki. You seen Caitlin?"

"Nope."

Flip. Flip. Flip.

All of a sudden, Caitlin burst in, dragging with her a hot sporty brunette who I had never seen before. She (Caitlin) was in good spirits as always.

"Sorry I'm late, you guys! It took me, like, forever to catch her! Please allow me to introduce Jen Masterson!"

Jen was obviously as scared and confused as I had been ever since first meeting Caitlin. Her big blue eyes scanned the former Literary Club room nervously.

"H-hold on! Wh-what the heck is this? Who are you people?"

Caitlin puffed out her not-so-amazing chest and began an introductory tirade.

"We are the S. O. C Brigade, and I am Caitlin Cooke, the leader."

I was curious about one thing, so I called Caitlin aside.

"Uh, Caitlin? This Jen Masterson seems almost…kinda normal. So why'd you bring her here?"

"What are you, blind?!"

She gestured to our new member dramatically.

"She's a total little cutie!"

Great. Now she sounds like a pervert. And she just kept right on going.

"I figured what we needed was a mascot character for our group, so I found her. I'd seen her a couple of over the lunch break, so I figured why not. And plus…"

All of a sudden, she came up behind Jen and started grabbing and rubbing her…uh…chest area. Needless to say, Jen went ballistic.

"Her chest is just so flat! I mean, even I have bigger boobs than she does. It's all about the fetish material, Wyatt! I mean, in stories with strange phenomena going on, we always have to have a character with a flat chest, or glasses or a maid outfit or something. And I'd say she definitely fits the bill."

She smiled wickedly.

"You wanna feel 'em?"

"I'll…pass…"

"So we'll need you to come and join us right away. Are you part of any other clubs, Jen?"

She blushed, breathing heavily after her ordeal.

"Well…I'm on the soccer team and-"

"Well, you can just go ahead and quit that one. It'll only get in the way of our club activities."

That was fast. For a minute there, it looked like Jen might have the needed sanity to say no and flee while she still could. But then my hopes were dashed.

"I see. So I'll be quitting the soccer team and I'll start coming over here to the Literary Club. But…I'm not entirely sure what the Literary Club actually does, so can you at least tell me that?"

Caitlin scoffed.

"We aren't the Literary Club, Jen."

I took up the narrative.

"We're just kind of borrowing their room for right now. The girl in the glasses over there is the real Literary Club member. We're part of some weird special interest group that Caitlin came up with."

Jen looked at me. When you got right down to it, she was hot.

"Well, I, uh, hope we all have fun."

"You bet, sister!"

Just kill me now.

End of Chapter 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you can't guess as to who Koizumi will be by now, then please stop reading this story right now.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Ever since Jen "joined", I had been suddenly struck with an actual incentive to show up to Caitlin's little Brigade Meetings. I felt like Jen was so hot and so nice and whatnot that she needed someone like me around to protect her if Caitlin tried to go too far. Plus she seemed pretty normal, which was a major plus for any of my friends, let alone fellow S.O.C Brigade members. At least, that was what I thought at first.

Anyway, one day Caitlin made the following pronouncement:

"Attention, Brigade members! I have decided that what the S.O.C Brigade needs the most right now is a web site. Who amongst you wishes to go with me and procure a system from those Computer Club geeks?"

Not a hand went up. Jen was too scared and Nikki was off in her own little world again. Which, of course, left me to go along with Caitlin's dirty work again. Everyone in the Computer Club was hard at work when Caitlin and I came bursting in through their door like a hurricane. The lead geek of the Computer Club was a guy that I had met before in the A.V. Club. (Where did that guy find the time?) His retainer-constrained mouth fell open in shock as he suddenly found himself face-to-face with the at this point infamous Caitlin Cooke.

"Wh-who are you?"

"We are the S.O.C Brigade. I am Caitlin Cooke, the leader. And these are my henchmen, Number One and Number Two."

Something just told me that I was meant to be Number Two.

"We have come here for one reason and one reason only: To procure a computer by any means necessary. Oppose us and prepare to be destroyed."

The pimply-faced nerd, whose nickname was Darth, tented his two hands together, forming the Evil Finger Cone of Nefarious Intent.

"Well then, Miss Caitlin Cooke, perhaps we can work out a bargain. As you can see, this club could sort of deal with a woman's touch. With all these hairy and unwashed computer nerds around, I feel like I'm living on the forest moon of Endor. So, just sign that girl over to us for at least part-time, and you shall have your computer. I swear this to you upon my honor as a Jedi Knight."

Cailtin ignored the flowery speech and retorted with an instant response.

"Very well. You can have Jen."

As she spoke, one of her arms snaked its way around Jen's shoulders and around to her back.

"Here, take her!"

All of a sudden, she thrust Jen towards him with a mighty heave. In his haste to protect himself, Darth threw up one of his hands…and it connected with her breast. Jen shrieked in embarrassment and Caitlin's hands became a blur as they produced a hidden camera and snapped away, all before Darth could even comprehend what was going on. Spittle flew from his mouth as he finally got it.

"GAHHH! Y-you! Wh-what do you think you're doing?!"

Caitlin smiled evilly, terrifying me for yet another time.

"Giving myself a bargaining chip. So, you give me the newest computer you've got right now, or this picture makes it all over the school!"

"Y-you can't do that! Even if you try it, everyone in this room will back me up. They saw what went down here!"

"Just exactly who is the school going to believe? It's your word against ours, Lightsaber Boy. Now you hand over that computer or I tell the entire school that you all teamed up and gang-raped her!"

Darth's face fell, as well as the rest of his body. There was a noticeable sob in his voice as he spoke his final words on the subject.

"Just take it. Take your computer and go."

Let that be a lesson to you, people: Don't mess with the Caitlin.

Our new computer now well in hand, it fell to me to do the actual creating of the website. Not an easy task, considering that I still had no idea what the heck Caitlin's little S.O.C Brigade was really about. So, long story short, I only wound up making us a main page and a hit counter. But, I must say, it was actually pretty fun. I worked late into the night, my eyelids going lower and lower…that is, until I had the one fateful Red Bull that enabled me to pull through. Of course, afterwards, I was too wide-awake to even think about sleeping. So, out of sheer boredom, I picked up the magazine that Nikki gave me way back when. Nothing new in there, girl stuff and makeup tips, but something written on the last page made me stop cold:

"Wyatt: Meet me in my hotel room on the date specified. It is of vital importance that you come and come alone. I will tell you the truth about Caitlin Cooke. The address is as follows…"

I was in shock. Not only was the date that very day, but the address was only a few blocks away from my house, in one of the new high-rise apartments that they'd built last year. Needless to day, I went there as fast as I could, unprepared for anything of quite such a magnitude to go down.

One quick bike ride and one quick elevator ride later, I found myself staring at the front door to Nikki's apartment. I knocked once, and Nikki opened the door to a room as blank and as empty as her daily expression. Not one picture adorned the walls, not one pillow had one of those little mints on it, not one pattern was visible on the bedspread of what essentially amounted to mattress laid out on the floor.

"Uh, hey, Nikki. I haven't come at a bad time or anything, have I? Because it looks kind of empty around here. Are you and your parents moving away somewhere?"

"No. I have no parents. As it stands, I am the only one here."

She lives by herself? As I pondered the meaning of Nikki's statement, my eyes scanned for what little there actually was in this room. Aside from the plain mattress and the plain walls and the plain curtains, there was a wire table brought out from the balcony with two cups of steaming coffee sitting on it, as well as two wire chairs. Nikki and I each took one and sat staring at each other in silence.

"So…uh…what did you want to talk to me about?"

Nikki drank her coffee almost mechanically, disregarding the heat and the steam, quickly draining her entire cup in one go.

"The reason I have called you here is that Caitlin Cooke and I are not exactly what you would refer to as normal humans."

"Yeah…that's true. No offense, but you may as well have just told me that water is wet."

"I do not mean that Caitlin and I do not share certain socially acceptable personality traits. I mean that she and I are much more than ordinary humans…The Data Thought Integration Entity, a massive collection of databytes far off at the edges of the known universe. It has always existed throughout time, but it is incapable of taking on a physical form. But, three years ago, a new hope for its evolution appeared. All of a sudden, a massive explosion of data came forth from this sector of space. Caitlin Cooke. An organic humanoid interface was created by the Data Thought Integration Entity to investigate the anomaly…and that is what I am. I suppose in terms that you yourself are more familiar with, you may call me an "alien" of sorts."

And the weird thing was that she said all this with a straight face, same as ever. As she stared lifelessly back at me, my mind struggled to wrap itself around the concept like a green snake trying to climb a greased-up sugarcane. And all I could think to myself was:

"Alien…Alien…Nikki is an alien…"

To Be Continued…


	5. Chapter 5

Next Chapter:

So I did whatever any rational, sane person would do: I politely (if a bit hastily) excused myself and ran for it. An alien. Who would believe it? Something told me our friend Nikki had been hanging around Caitlin Cooke for a little too long. But what was really freaky was that Nikki didn't even react when I got up and ran away. She didn't even try to stop me. No surprise there, huh? It wasn't until later that I found out the real truth, not just about Nikki, but about Jen and Caitlin too.

The next day, when I saw her at school, nothing seemed to have changed. It was as if the night before had never happened. She just sat there, same as ever, just flipping through her little magazine and blinking now and again. Caitlin had given me a paper to fill out. It turns out that it was a form for students to fill out when they wanted to form a new school club. It had places for the leader's name, the purpose, the activities performed, etc. I tried to fill it out, but it wound up looking something like this (keep in mind: Caitlin still hadn't told anybody else about what the heck the S.O.C Brigade actually did!):

CLUB NAME: The S.O.C Brigade (**S**aving The World by **O**verloading it with Fun with **C**aitlin Brigade)

CLUB LEADER: Caitlin Cooke

PURPOSE: An organization created by Caitlin, for Caitlin, of Caitlin…

_I can't write this!_

Caitlin had essentially just handed me the paper and run off somewhere, like a hit-and-run or a drive-by shooting. As I struggled, I was so engrossed that I almost didn't notice Serena standing there in the doorway watching me.

"Hey, Wyatt. Working hard there, huh?"

I couldn't believe it! Serena Hawkins, the hottest woman in the freshman year, the girl that every guy wanted to be with, was talking to me, Wyatt Williams the nobody! Caitlin could torture me forever and I wouldn't care, as long as I could make this one moment last forever. Unfortunately, I could only make little noises like "Uhhh".

"Feeling especially articulate today, are we? Anyway, come with me for a second. There's something I want to talk to you about."

There we were, alone in an empty classroom nearby. The sun was setting just behind us, casting dark shadows over an orange-tinted room. Serena turned to me and spoke.

"Wyatt, let me ask you a hypothetical question. What if you were watching something like…a really big science experiment, something that could affect the whole entire world? Now suppose nothing was happening, no matter how much time you left for the experiment to do its thing. Do you think it would be appropriate then to directly impact things? Even if it was something really bad? Because, any progress is good progress, right?"

"Uhh…maybe. Does this have anything to do with you and me?"

She lowered her head and mumbled the last few words of her sentence. From the corner of my eye, I could just barely make out something behind her back.

"Kind of. You see, Wyatt…I'."

"Huh? I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"I said: I'm going to kill you and see how Caitlin Cooke reacts!"

With that, she suddenly lunged at me, brandishing a dangerously curved hunting knife. I dodged to the side, almost entirely out of instinct, and ran for the door. Only there was no door. Just a wall. Turning back, I saw that the windows had disappeared too. I had always wanted for it to be just me and Serena, but not like this! Not like this!

"There's no escape, Wyatt. I control all the data in this room. Now stop running. It's time to die."

She came at me again, and I grabbed the first thing I could find and threw it at her. The desk and chair went flying towards her, but some mysterious unknown force knocked it to the side. When I looked back, I could see that Serena's arms had grown strange, whisper-thin blade-tipped tentacle thingies, perfect for deflecting attacks…and flaying innocent normal boys like me. I shuddered helplessly and unashamedly in the farthest corner of the room, waiting for the inevitable. Serena raised her tentacle arms and…

KABOOM!

All of a sudden, the ceiling exploded downward towards us and, there in the rubble was…Nikki?

"Serena. Terminate this application immediately. Caitlin Cooke holds the potential for the Data Integration Thought Entity's survival. And so…"

She hurled a crackling blue cloud of electricity at Serena, who was barely able to dodge.

"Therefore, I have a duty to protect that potential!"

It was the first time I had ever seen Nikki mad, or, for that matter, in any sort of emotional state. Ordinarily, I would have just sat back and enjoyed the catfight, but it was so bizarre and so downright impossible that I just couldn't. All I could do was sit there in the corner and laugh. Laugh at the cruel joke that the cosmos was playing on me.

As quickly as the battle had started, it was over, but Nikki hadn't gotten off quite as well as I did. One of Serena's tentacle arms had sliced off one of her legs at the knee and her glasses were long gone. Serena lay defeated, breaking up into tiny little pixel bits.

"N…nicely done, Nikki. You have successfully terminated my data link. But there are still many other Interfaces like me out there, and we aren't all so nice."

As she faded into nothingness, Serena left us with one final long maniacal laugh. I'd just tell all my friends that I'd dumped her. That'd teach Jonesy and Wayne for laughing at me. But then I remembered Nikki. I rushed to her side.

"Oh my God, Nikki, are you okay?"

"I am undamaged. Reconstructing new leg now."

As I watched, her leg began to rebuild itself, pixel by pixel, like a computer program. Her hands went to her face and felt around for something.

"Oh no. I forgot to reconstruct glasses."

I hastily tried to stop her.

"No, don't...uh…no need to go so fast. You kinda look better without them. It's not like I have a glasses fetish or something."

Since the battle had ended, Nikki had gone back to her old emotionless self.

"…What is a "glasses fetish?"

It was then that I lost my balance and went crashing right into her, apparently making it look like the two of us had gotten it going on. And, at that precise moment, in came Jonesy, through the door that Nikki had just reconstructed. He took one look at our compromising situation and immediately roared his approval.

"ALL RIGHT! WAY TO GO, WYATT!"

The damage control took me weeks. When it was finally over, I'd almost become accustomed to coming to the S.O.C Brigade classroom after school every day, enjoying Jen's freshly brewed tea while playing things like checkers and chess with Nikki. Anyway, one ordinary day, Caitlin came in with yet another of her latest finds.

_I wonder what's wrong with this one._

"Attention, Brigade members! I would like to inform you all that a new freshman student has just transferred into Mr. Holmes' class, and his name is-"

"Jude Lizowski. What's happenin'?"

The boy she had brought in looked ordinary enough: typical tall blonde skater dude with a little beanie hat and a garish-looking skateboard slung across his back.

"Yeah, well, anyway, my name is Caitlin Cooke and I'm the leader. And these are my henchmen, Brigade Members #1, #2 and #3. And you, my friend, will make a fabulous #4. Welcome to the S.O.C Brigade."

"Listen, Caitlin, I'm cool with joining you guys and all that, but I was just wondering, what the heck is this whole S.O.C Brigade thing supposed to do, anyway?"

"I'm glad you asked!"

Both of us are.

"The S.O.C Brigade's mission is to seek out aliens, time-travelers and psychics and to become friends with them!"

Jude's face cracked a slow smile.

"Roger that, dude…ette. Sounds awe-some! Totally just like something the infamous Caitlin Cooke would do."

What the heck did he just get? Was he even listening? Or can Caitlin just somehow magically make other people believe in her ridiculous declarations?

"Uhh…hey…I'm-"

"He's Wyatt, and the cute one is Jen and the one over there in the glasses is Nikki."

Now that we're all introduced to each other, just where the heck are we supposed to go from here?

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

Next Chapter:

The next day, Caitlin had us all give up our one free Sunday of the week for one of her S.O.C Brigade excursions: Following the mystery of the vanished high school student. That's right. Somehow, Nikki and whatever weird alien entity she served had managed to easily cover up Serena's…disappearance, let's call it. With the usual grumbling, I came as ordered and met everyone at the appointed place. Not surprisingly, nobody else was visibly bothered by this. We all met up in front of the local Holiday Inn, the place where Serena had listed herself as living on her school papers. Being the go-getter that she was, Caitlin went straight for the hotel manager's office. He was old and hard of hearing, plus he wasn't much help.

"Oh, I think I might've seen that girl you're talkin' about 'round here once or twice. Funny thing, though: can't really say I've ever seen her parents. It's been about a week since I last saw her. Gotta say I know just as much as you kids do at this point."

Disappointed, Caitlin decided to take her frustration out on us.

"Listen up, Brigade members: we can't let one little failure get us down. Next Sunday, why don't we all meet up again and scour the entire city for anything paranormal? Who's with me?"

Every hand but mine shot up. This was getting to be a really bad running gag.

The week came and went, and, before I knew it, we were all back together again, using up another perfectly good Sunday. By some amazing stroke of good luck, I found myself being partnered up with the lovely Jen. Sometimes when God closes a door he opens a window, my friends. As we walked through the beautiful summer flowers of the city park, I couldn't help but think "now this is what a high school life should be like!". Unfortunately, fate likes to play a little game called Let's Screw Wyatt. Jen stopped suddenly and turned around to face me.

"Wyatt…listen, I need to tell you something very important. But you can't breathe a word of this to Caitlin, okay?"

Like a fool, I believed that she was going to confess her feelings for me as I gave a subtle nod.

"I'm not from around here: not this city, not this province, and not even this time period. I'm from the future, Wyatt. I am a time traveler."

My mind and face went blank. This was too unreal. First Nikki out of nowhere tells me that she's an alien (or data interface or whatever), and now Jen tells me that she came from the future? Was Caitlin really starting to get to them? We sat down on a park bench as Jen continued to explain.

"In the future I came from, people don't take vacations to places any more: they take vacations to different periods of time. Anyway, the problems all started when, one day, all of a sudden, our top scientists found that we couldn't go back any further than 3 years ago. That is, 3 years ago from this time. A massive timequake occurring during that time was found to be responsible, and the epicenter of that timequake was none other than Caitlin Cooke. She was the one who closed the door to the past."

"But how can you be here and affect things here and now without changing the future?"

"Wyatt, think of the space-time continuum as a simple flipbook. If you change only one of those pictures, the entire flipbook isn't changed at all. It's the same with time. My being here in this particular time will not change the future, unless I move to too many different times and change things too much. So I'm free to observe Caitlin Cooke as much as is necessary, in order to determine how and if we can reverse the timequake and return to the past beyond 3 years ago. But I have to do it secretly. If Caitlin were ever to find out what exactly she is capable of, the results could be catastrophic."

I nodded again, mutely, taken aback by Jen's amazing story. We started walking again, the thick air awkward between us. Then something hit me.

"Say, Jen? When exactly in the future are you from?"

Her voice turned flat.

"I'm sorry, but that's classified."

"And just how old are you, really?"

"Hee hee. I'm sorry, but that's classified."

That dry hole now fully plumbed, we met back up with the others. Nikki, Jude, and a furious Caitlin.

"Hey! Where were you two?! Oh, what's the point?"

She slumped down dejectedly.

"We didn't find anything. Wyatt, why don't you take Jude and Nikki for a while? Maybe we can find something if we change the groups around a little bit."

Our groups switched, Caitlin and Jen set off, leaving me with the least normal people in the group (excluding Caitlin herself, of course. Duh!).

"So, uh…where do you guys think we should start looking for…whatever it is we're looking for?"

"I'm up for anything, bro."

Nikki gave little to no response. All she did was point toward a nearby large building. The local library.

"There."

Things were quiet at the library. Nikki sat reading her many books with the same slow deliberation that she usually read her magazines with. Jude and I sat at the computer stations, trying to search the local news websites for anything odd going on. I may not like working for Caitlin, but that doesn't mean I won't do it. I turned to Jude and spoke to him from the corner of my mouth, trying not to get too loud and bother anybody.

"Hey, Jude? Just so we're clear and everything, and don't get all weird on me when I ask you this, okay?"

"Sure thing, dude."

"You aren't going to tell me that you're some kind of psychic or something, are you?"

Jude's eyes widened, but he still continued speaking quietly.

"Dude! How did you know that? That must mean we both have, like, E.S.P.N!"

I slammed my head face-first into my computer's keyboard. I should have known.

The day now nearly fully wasted, we helped Nikki to check out some of her books and returned home. The next few days passed uneventfully. Since the failure of her city-wide exploration, Caitlin had seemed almost…subdued? It was kinda creepy. I had found an anonymous note in my locker, telling me to meet somebody in the chemistry lab after school. Given my track record with Serena, Jen and Nikki, I naturally had my doubts and my misgivings about it. But still I came. The door was closed, and I opened it onto a woman who looked eerily familiar.

It was like I was looking at an older version of Jen. An older, prettier, sexier and more stylish version of Jen. And, when she spoke, it was in Jen's voice.

"Good afternoon, Wyatt. It's me, Jen. Or, rather, what will be Jen."

She looked around the empty chem. Lab and sighed.

"Being here sure brings back memories."

"Wait. How can I be so sure you're Jen? Can you prove it?"

And prove it she did. All of a sudden, she undid some buttons on her shirt and exposed only the top parts of her breasts. There, on the left one, was a small star-shaped mole.

"Wh-what are you doing? This is a school!"

"Take a look at some of Caitlin's pictures of Jen in costume when you have a chance. If you zoom in real closely on one of them, you'll see this exact same star. Now listen to me, Wyatt: something big is coming, and you'll only have a few seconds to decide what to do. All I can give you is this one clue: Snow White. Remember Snow White, Wyatt. When the time comes, you'll know what it means."

That said, she shoved me out the doorway and closed it behind me. Before I could understand what was going on, there was a brilliant flash of light. When I opened the door again, the older Jen (?) was gone. And all I could think was "_What the hell was that?!_"

To be continued.

Coming up: The secret origin of Caitlin's bizarreness is revealed!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

One day, Jude called me aside as we were about to leave the S.O.C Brigade classroom. Caitlin had given us each orders to take our cameras out around the city and photographically document any local weirdness that we apparently missed on our Sunday trip.

"Hey, Wyatt, bro: I think you might wanna come with me today. I've got somethin' that I re-he-heally need to show ya."

When we left the building, I'd have to say I was rather surprised to see that Jude had a limo waiting for us in the parking lot. Neither of us said a word until we got in and started driving.

"Dude, you ever heard of this thing called the Anthropic Principle?"

I hadn't.

"Well, it's this thing where people say, "this world wouldn't exist if there weren't any dudes around to study it". Trippy, huh?"

"What are you talking about? Of course the world would still exist if there weren't any people around. There's fossilized evidence to support that and everything!"

"But what if those things are just stuff people made up, dude? What if even your memories are all fakes that some cosmic writer up in the sky there created for you? You ever see The Matrix? Well, it's kinda like that."

"Well, regardless, I'm guessing that next your going to tell me about your powers and show me some proof and tell me something about Caitlin and three years ago."

Jude leaned back in the large and plush leather seat.

"Right you are, my man. About three years ago is when I, and people like me, first found out that we had these crazy psychic powers. And, just like that, we also automatically knew that we had Caitlin to thank for it. As for your proof, well, that's where this old limo's headed, bro. But how'd you know about it?"

"I've already been through something like this before."

"Nikki and Jen got to ya, huh?"

My eyes widened in shock.

"Wait, you know?!"

"Yeah, dude. It's like, three years ago, Caitlin thought, "I know for a fact that psychics and aliens and time travelers exist and all" and, suddenly, there we all were. She's kinda like God that way."

Nice going, Caitlin. First people are saying you're the key to evolution, and now they're calling you God. All of a sudden, the limo stopped, seemingly in the middle of downtown. Jude opened the door and got out, motioning for me to follow him.

Nowhere around us could I see any sign of any other people, which was odd, considering that after school was usually the beginning of rush hour. The air around us was as still as the grave.

"Dude, welcome to Negative Space. Places like this exist all over the world, and they're like an entryway into Caitlin's subconscious. Usually it's pretty much like this, but when Caitlin starts getting restless..."

All of a sudden, an enormous glowing blue arm came smashing through a nearby building. I screamed and leapt out of the way as the creature attacked to the arm came charging through. A gigantic blue humanoid with glowing red eyes was running amok through the city, and there wasn't a soldier or a tank brigade in sight. Jude, however, remained cautiously optimistic.

"That happens. Say hello to a dude we like to call a Celestial. Whenever one of these dudes shows up, it means that Caitlin's subconscious is going crazy. Now, if you'll excuse me…I am needed."

As he spoke, Jude started glowing red himself, transforming into a glowing red ball. As he moved forward to engage the beast, so did several other glowing red balls, no doubt his friends and fellow psychics. With their combined efforts, they eventually caused the Celestial to disappear in an ultimately bright red light. Jude was back by my side before I knew it.

"Du-hu-hu-hude! That guy was a tough one! If even one of those things made it out and into the real world…we may as well just kiss our butts goodbye, man."

I had been flashing pictures the whole time. If those didn't get Caitlin's attention, then nothing would!

Unfortunately, it looked like nothing would. Everyone else had tried much harder than I had, but still nothing struck Caitlin as particularly unique. Jude had even gone to the local graveyard on his own time, hoping to catch some pictures of spirit orbs or somesuch. When it came time for me to show my pictures (which I hadn't thought to check before), I was shocked, but nowhere near as shocked as Caitlin. Well, shocked and angry.

"Wyatt, what exactly were you trying to pull here? Why would anyone think there's anything unusual about an empty downtown street?!"

Strangely, Caitlin had no further plans or ideas for the day. As Nikki and I played yet another game of chess and Jude oiled the wheels on his skateboard, Caitlin just sort of sat there and stared out the window. It was the quietest I had ever seen her. She didn't even bother saying anything to us when the Brigade meeting was over. She just…sorta left.

Even after all this time and all the abuse she had put me through, I still sort of felt something for Caitlin. I followed her for as long as I could before saying something.

"Uh, Caitlin? Are you okay?"

Caitlin sighed.

"Yeah. It's just…I'm getting so damn tired of not getting any results. Have I ever told you the reason why I act this way, and why I'm working so hard to find the fun and unusual things in this world?"

I shook my head slowly, listening intently.

"Well, back when I was in grade school, I was perfectly fine with my life the way it was. Everything was fine until my parents took me to a local curling match. The curling wasn't bad, but what really struck me was the size of the crowd. Thousands of people showed up, and I'd heard that it was still only a fraction of the population. Up until then, I'd thought that my life and the people in it were the most exciting in the world. But, on that day, I realized that I was just another person in a crowd of billions. So I decided that I wouldn't be any more. I wanted to be the kind of girl who lived an extraordinary life, and so I decided to find things and change things to make it that way. The paranormal and the amazing don't just fall out of trees, Wyatt. Though now I'm kinda starting to wish they would."

Caitlin's story was just so sad. I couldn't stop thinking about it, even as I went to bed that night. But, when I woke up, I was about to see what Caitlin had said in a whole new way.

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Wyatt?…Wyatt?…Wyatt!

I shot bolt awake and upright out of bed. I was having this terrible nightmare where Caitlin was screaming at me and-

She was. She was right there in front of me, fully dressed and in one of the school classrooms for some reason. I hadn't fallen asleep in Math class again, had I? No, I remembered going home and getting into bed only a few hours ago, so-

"Wyatt! Ohmigod! This is so bad!"

I got up and looked around, finding myself fully dressed as well. We were indeed back at school, but there was no logical reason for us to be there. We must have teleported or something.

"How did we…get here?"

"I don't know. I went home and went to bed, like usual, but then I woke up and I was here. I've already tried to leave, but there's some weird barrier keeping us in. And, even worse, all the phone lines and our Internet connections have been cut. What'll we do?"

Finding a hint of strange satisfaction in Caitlin's getting flustered (a rather human emotion for her), I tried to comfort her in my own way.

"Well, first of all, I guess since you've found out what isn't working, maybe we should try to find out what is. You know, the gas, the water pipes and what have you."

Caitlin made sure that the water was still running and the food in the cafeteria fridges was still staying cold while I went downstairs to see if the gas was still pumping. All of a sudden, the maintenance phone installed down there rang, startling me.

"Hello? Listen, you have to help us. My name is Wyatt Williams, and I'm trapped in-"

"Negative space, bro."

Jude?

"What? Negative space? How the hell did we get here?"

"Caitlin musta done it. Ya see, she was feelin' pretty down after our citywide search didn't yield anything. We here at the Organization are figurin' that, since she was downer than she'd ever been before, Caitlin's conscious mind sank so deep into her subconscious that she actually went into it physically."

"Well, how do we get out of it?"

"No idea, dude. All we know is that the computers here keep showing this really weird phrase: Sleeping Beauty. That mean anything to you?"

"Sleeping Beauty? Like the fairy tale? Of course not."

I could almost here Jude shrugging through the phone.

"Well, then we're all out of ideas. But maybe this is all for the best. If you wanna make a new world, you need both an Adam and an Eve."

His voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper as I stood there in stunned silence, the phone nearly slipping from my hand in amazement at what he'd just said.

"There are some condoms in the principal's office. Don't ask me how I know. Listen, I'm running out of time, but whatever happens, good luck, bro."

Click.

I stood there for who knows how long, the phone still in my hand, until a loud explosion and a scream from Caitlin shook me out of it. I ran to find her, and the two of us looked out the open cafeteria doors to see a Celestial tearing apart the surrounding area. It didn't look like it was coming over there just yet, almost as though it was saving it for last. Caitlin was, needless to say, thrilled.

"Ohmigod, what is it?! This-this is amazing! Can you believe it, Wyatt? You and I are actually having an honest-to-God paranormal experience!"

Caitlin was…no…the entire situation was insane. I tried to grab her arm and pull her to safety.

"Now's not the time, Caitlin! Come on, we need to get back inside, where it's safe!"

But she pulled away from me and defiantly ran out to the middle of the sports field, seemingly ignorant of the destruction going on around her.

"No way! I'm not sure why I'm feeling this, but…I don't think this thing is something bad. I want to watch this and know more about it. It's better than the old world…isn't it, Wyatt?"

I must admit, I really had to consider what she was saying. Granted, I didn't exactly want to be the Adam to Caitlin's eve, but maybe she had a point. Destroying the old world to make room for a newer and better one was how the natural world tended to work. Too distracted by what she was saying, I stumbled my way back into the school, wandering aimlessly until I came to the computer lab, where one of the monitors was now mysteriously flashing. I ran over to look at it. It was from Nikki, and it went something like this:

"Wyatt *** collapsing *** Caitlin *** not want you *** destroyed *** friends. Sorry *** all this. *** way out. Those *** put it *** indirectly. *** frog prince, Wyatt. Frog prince. You know *** you have to ***. Goodbye."

Suddenly it all came back to me: Jen's warning of "Snow White", Jude's Organization computer showing "Sleeping Beauty"…There was only one way out of this and back to the world I knew. I left the computer room then and headed back to Caitlin, knowing what I needed to do.

I don't know what I was thinking before. Granted, the world I knew was cold and boring. Nothing of any real interest ever happened. Godzilla would never come stomping through downtown Ontario. No rabbit would ever lead me down into Wonderland. And there certainly weren't any mad scientists turning cats into plants in my neighborhood. But, all in all, I loved the real world. It may not have been fun, but it was safe and familiar. It was the only home I'd ever known. If it were all destroyed and Caitlin and I were the only ones who remembered it, I'd miss it. I'd miss my folks, my teachers, even those two keeners Jonesy and Wayne. And there was only one way for me to save the world I loved: I had to kiss Caitlin.

She still stood in the center of the sports field, transfixed by the sight of her subconscious Celestial destroying the world around her. As I approached, she turned to me and asked me the dreaded question:

"So what do you think, Wyatt?"

And I parted my lips and gave her my only answer.

The next morning, Caitlin and I both woke up in our own beds, the night before seeming like a crazy dream. But I knew it wasn't. Caitlin and I had gone to that world. And I had kissed her. But still, the world around us continued the same as ever, and I for one could not have been happier.

My relationship with Caitlin has changed since then. She's still the same as ever, but she and I are going on more S.O.C Brigade outings with just the two of us lately. I'm texting this whole story to my favorite writing website while I wait for her at the café in the mall. She and I are meeting up to follow the mysterious Rent-A-Cop around all day. Caitlin is convinced there's something up with him. I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same. As for me…whenever she shows up…I think I'll tell her about aliens, time travelers and psychics.

*Good Night, everybody! Thanks for comin' out!


End file.
